Life after loss with autism, preemies and a rainbow baby
The first time my kids emptied out their big sister’s books and made small towers of their reading selections they all still fit in my lap and there was no pressure to encourage anyone to sound out anything. Looking back this was such a luxury but I’m sure at the time I was wishing someone’s […]
When my preemies were in the NICU there were days we could barely touch them. Their daily condition dictated how much holding we could do, how often I could sneak a hand inside their incubators and whether they were up for a sponge bath or an increase in tube feedings. Parker was my tiniest, yet healthiest. […]
I don’t have a photographic memory but I can tell you exactly what I was doing on November 1st, from 2008 to probably 2012. My head was tilted to the side, probably leaning on some doorway, either in reflection or in search of a two second nap and I was watching my kids, in a […]
I’m not sure which one of them told me their version of the story first but I know they were wrong. They had gotten ahead of me, as they always did and figured out a story that I hadn’t yet told. Bedtime books and too much Elmo were to blame. My children thought they followed the […]
When I was pregnant with the triplets I spent at least half my days of hospital bed rest searching for a “Big Sister of Triplets” shirt. They were easy to find in size 2 or 3T but no where to be found in 12 year-old sizes. My excitement when I finally found one probably caused […]
Having a baby (or two, or three) in the NICU is an extremely isolating experience. Parker spent 77 days there, McKenna 72 and Hadley, not nearly enough. I was there for every single one of them. Not because it was some heroic effort of motherhood, because it was a necessity for my survival. I couldn’t […]
After the triplets were born, I spent every single day in the NICU. On the weekends Mark would join me and we would stare into their little isolettes, willing them to eat and grow and not make a single monitor ding with that awful sound that is forever embedded in my brain. One Saturday in […]
This week it will be six years since I started my blog. What started as a way to document my triplet pregnancy turned into a lifeline of healing for me and has opened more doors and brought in more friendships than I could have ever imagined. When I look back at all I have written […]
The nurses always asked if I would rather hold them one at a time or maybe shift one to the other arm to make it easier. I would snuggle them in a bit more, remembering how long they were together and how quickly they were apart. Willing the bond of multiples to work its magic, […]
We laced our hands together at bedtime and she asked, as she does so often, about “the baby hospital.” Where was your bed Mommy? Did you only sleep when I sleeped? I realized something I never had before. She thought I never left. Those agonizing months of saying goodnight to my babies in the NICU […]
