Life after loss with autism, preemies and a rainbow baby
Crying from upstairs sends me skipping our stairs as I wrap my robe. He never wakes at night. My mind races to a fever or a fall, hoping it’s just a bad dream that I can talk away. Outstretched arms and trembling lips are waiting for me at the door, even though I could have […]
Your Daddy and I were discussing our earliest memories. Whether we remember anything of our childhood before we turned three. Maybe a little, bits and pieces of days. You are almost ready for three. To remember. I wanted to give you one for the bank, from the year you were two. ——————- Last weekend we […]
I have not opened a child-rearing book since your birth, but have piled you in the bed for one more nighttime story and ignored the clock when you handed me one more book. I used to adjust the bath water, over and over, feeling for the right temperature but for you I push up my […]
At the risk of receiving my first round of nasty comments, let’s discuss why I have always been a bit envious of Michelle Duggar… There are things that give me an odd amount of contentment: dressing one kid after another after another (in coordinating colors, of course) buckling in a van full of car seats […]
Then I was young. You were born right on time, your due date. You were smiles and challenges and growing up together. Now you are almost grown. You are A’s in Math and contagious smiles and you are never, ever late for a thing. ——————- Then you were Baby A fragile and small, serious and […]
You reach your hand to mine. Wrapping it around two of my fingers, you squeeze. I treasure your smallness as I take in this day. Chestnut hair waves in the sun, baby cheeks round with your smile and chubby toes grip strands of grass. Too busy to lay on a blanket, too eager to stay […]
Unblinking eyes look up at me and wonder, Mommy, can Hadley come to our birthday party when we are four? Eventually, I find my voice, She will be there. But only in our hearts, honey. And there is bitter in the knowing that there are years and years to come of birthdays with one empty […]
In some circles, babies born to families after the loss of a child are referred to as “Rainbow Babies.” The idea is that the baby is like a rainbow after a storm. “Rainbow Babies” is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, […]
He is a man of few words. So few that speech therapy may be in his not too distant future. I have been waiting to hear one word for 1 year 4 months and 25 days but I’m not counting or repeating it to him 10,000 times a day. “MOMMA” rolled right out of my […]
he’s big. He stopped nursing, dropped the baby toys, can throw a tantrum with the best of them and insists on feeding himself. No one told him that he is supposed to grow up very, very slowly for his Mommy. Oh and it is also official that he still needs meand not just for diaper […]
