Life after loss with autism, preemies and a rainbow baby
Sawyer is our wiggliest sleeper. Family dinner conversations often turn into debates over what he’s doing in his sleep. Votes vary but we’re pretty sure he dreams of marathon running, sheet origami, soccer drills or tae kwon do. His sleep habits are in direct disagreement with his need for someone close all. the. time. Born the youngest of […]
I took Sawyer for his Last Ice Cream of the Fives and while his feet dangled under our chairs at just the right height to repeatedly scrape my shins he asked the deep questions of an almost six year-old. When did you know I was in your belly? What was it like when I was in […]
I didn’t realize why Sawyer volunteered to go to the grocery store with me until we got to the check out. I was speed-unloading the cart when I looked up to see him building a tower of produce, soup cans and ice cream (in that order because tomatoes make the sturdiest tower base, I’ve heard). […]
This week is Infertility Awareness Week. Did you know? I didn’t until I saw it on Facebook. But years ago I would have known. I would have been the poster woman for infertility treatments. Stomach like a pin-cusion, bruised arms from bloodwork, waving my sign for better insurance coverage and more research. And then our treatments finally […]
Sawyer has this sing-song-y way he says “love you” that is so sweet I can hear it in my mind as I type. He strings out the “you” at the end while he looks at you like you are the greatest being on his planet. Sometimes he says it over and over before bed because he’s so […]
I don’t have a photographic memory but I can tell you exactly what I was doing on November 1st, from 2008 to probably 2012. My head was tilted to the side, probably leaning on some doorway, either in reflection or in search of a two second nap and I was watching my kids, in a […]
I’m not sure which one of them told me their version of the story first but I know they were wrong. They had gotten ahead of me, as they always did and figured out a story that I hadn’t yet told. Bedtime books and too much Elmo were to blame. My children thought they followed the […]
Because you are my youngest I am writing your birthday post two days after it passed. I’ve exchanged filling in your baby book for keeping your brother from scaling the television while you teethed on my shoulder and your sisters cried on the floor. Your pacifiers were cleaned off on the thigh of my jeans […]
Age six is the age of asking what words mean, so is age four and also eighteen. Every conversation is a minefield. Will I get through a sentence without someone asking “what does that mean Mom?” Will I be able to define the word without using the word in its own definition? Will my definition […]
Dear kids, I hope some day you read this after I have organized all the photos I’ve taken of you into an album or 20. I’m writing, assuming my time on Instagram was well spent, and at some point I had a few moments to print out the ten thousand pictures I took and place […]
