Life after loss with autism, preemies and a rainbow baby
The nurses always asked if I would rather hold them one at a time or maybe shift one to the other arm to make it easier. I would snuggle them in a bit more, remembering how long they were together and how quickly they were apart. Willing the bond of multiples to work its magic, […]
We laced our hands together at bedtime and she asked, as she does so often, about “the baby hospital.” Where was your bed Mommy? Did you only sleep when I sleeped? I realized something I never had before. She thought I never left. Those agonizing months of saying goodnight to my babies in the NICU […]
Today is World Prematurity Awareness Day. We have so many stories to share in our home, some of defying the odds and one of wishing we could have. The triplets were born at 28 weeks and looking back at our NICU days, it’s hard to imagine them every beings so small. Last year I made […]
Maybe it is because we’ve slowed into our fall rush or because they don’t need my lap as much anymore. But I catch myself looking at my newly fived year-olds as their own biggish, little people. I watch them two feet in front of me and see them as the rest of the world does. […]
We are tiptoeing towards five years since we lost Hadley or maybe I am stomping. I imagine if you were to brush up against me you would feel the bristle of my moods. As much as I want to be fluffy clouds and light, I am sandpaper and raw edges. I sit at the table […]
We drove to our first day of preschool this morning on a dirt road, stuck behind a tractor, going one mile an hour. It kicked rocks and mud back at my van and trees blocked the sun. We would be late. My little Sawyer, my baby, kept saying, “I see the light at the end […]
When I was 7 or 8 or 10 I was a champion water-treader. I was never graceful with the breast stroke or the butterfly and I can only imagine the site of my knock-kneed, stiff-backed dive, but I could tread water like no other. At the end of class we would march single file on […]
“Mommy what color are my eyes?” Your eyes are blue just like mine. “No Mommy, your eyes aren’t blue.” They aren’t? What color are they? “They are rainbow, Mommy, because Hadley is in there.” —————– Are you heading to BlogHer? If you are excited/nervous/counting the days like I am, check out my interview with a […]
There are things you still have not done. Places you have not returned, people you have not seen. In four years, your return to the land of the living has slowed with twists and turns, paces forward and stumbles back. You decide on a big step, a walk into your old life, crowded rooms, people […]
